


White Flags

by Daphnean



Series: My EXO Challenge [4]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Asexual Character, Domestic Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-08-16 17:09:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8110630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daphnean/pseuds/Daphnean
Summary: Jongin is made of dancing, dogs, and insecurities. Kyungsoo has a dirty mouth and a lot of love in such a tiny frame. They've been together for seven years.





	

“And that’s all for today.” Jongin tousled his hair gently, giving a bright smile to his class of kindergarten ballerinas and lone ballerino. “I’ll see you all next week.”

Soojung gave a bright two-handed wave to her instructor whereas thin little Sehun merely gave a nod before heading over to his mother. The other students said their farewells, tutus swishing around the room as they gathered their coats and bags to head home. It didn’t take long for the room to grow quiet and Jongin’s thoughts to feel far too loud.

Closing the door to his studio, Jongin took a moment to exhale, to grab a towel from his bag and wipe a bit at the sweat along his forehead and neck. His muscles seemed to be too tight, tension coiled and twisted in his belly from lunch with Chanyeol. His old roommate from college could be pleasant company one minute and a nuisance a moment after, and today had been an instance of the latter.

Turning on his ipod to an old favorite, Jongin stepped away from his bag, tossing the towel as he began to dance. It was a freestyle routine his cousin Taemin had nagged at him to practice further. While he didn’t perform as much as he taught, Jongin still loved the thrill of creativity, that adrenaline of a new story he told with each swoop of his leg pointed to the ceiling or the curl of his back towards the floor.

Jongin’s thoughts became louder than his pulse, than the music, and as he moved they made their presence known in memory of the lunch just a few hours ago.

_“So the big seven year anniversary, huh?” Chanyeol still had ketchup on his mouth from his burger, the condiment leaking off of the sides onto the paper wrapper. “How are you going to spice things up?”_

_Jongin had been chewing on his straw thoughtfully, smiling as he thought of their plans. “We’re taking a cooking class together in the morning, following that a trip to the museum, and finally we’re going to that cool movie theatre where you sit in recliners and order food with a button. We still haven’t decided what to see yet, but it’s going to be a lot of fun.”_

_Chanyeol’s horrible habit of staring agape when he was listening was amplified by his messy eating. “That’s it? No sexy handcuffs? No big fancy hotel room to wreck?”_

_Sometimes Jongin was just way too tired of this old spiel, the same conversation that he seemed to have far too many times with people who knew better. “Chanyeol, I do not want sex. As in never want anything to even do with sex in the slightest. I know some aces can, but-”_

_“But Kyungsoo isn’t, man. He was with Yifan back in the day. I heard some wild stories.” He chuckled, finally dabbing at his mouth. “Not that I’ll ever tell Kyungsoo what I know, I value my life too much for that kind of stupidity. The point is that he’s always been pretty sexual. And if you ask me it’s kind of shit that you can’t even put out once for your anniversary or even try to see if maybe it’s different with him. I mean look at what all he gave up for you.”_

The song stopped and Jongin’s last spin finally slowed. His breathing was slightly rough as he turned away from the mirrors, facing the bare wall of his studio. He trained his focus on the bulletin board full of fliers for recitals and class schedules. Chanyeol never understood his sexuality, even after years of friendship, but he usually wasn’t so crass about it. With most things Chanyeol said, Jongin blew them off or took it as another “Chanyeol doesn’t have a brain to mouth filter." This time, however, Jongin found the lingering insecurity that he tried to pretend didn’t exist after being with Kyungsoo for nearly seven years.

It wasn’t just sex that Kyungsoo gave up for him. He turned down an offer for a better paying job, stating that he liked staying in their quaint little city (despite the fact Jongin knew it was because he’d finally found a position in a dance studio and Kyungsoo didn’t want him to give it up). Kyungsoo gave up his apartment of three years so they could move into one that accepted Jongin’s three poodles. Most nights he let Jongin have the remote to the tv or choose what movie they watched. All these little white flags and yet Jongin couldn’t think of one surrender he’d given in return.

He’d told Kyungsoo flat out their second date that he knew he’d never want sex, that it wasn’t a challenge or some sort of ploy to hold out on him until they fell madly in love. Jongin had known he was asexual since he was fifteen, likely would have known sooner had he heard the term earlier in his life. Jongin could still remember how warm Kyungsoo’s smile had been, that pretty little heart he only gave when he was really at ease. He’d taken Jongin’s hand in his and said that he didn’t mind, that he was thankful for his honesty.

Kyungsoo was full of secrets. Jongin could see them sometimes, thoughts held back just by his teeth or his ribs, but still pushing to escape him. Sometimes he’d see the older man exhale and know it wasn’t just air but words he was letting go. Jongin respected this, was glad to know he was allowed things that were still only his in return, but sometimes he filled in those silences with his own demons. He felt Kyungsoo’s morning erections against his thigh, could see the dark haze of want in his eyes when they kissed a little deeper than their good night peck, and it all added up into equations Jongin didn’t want the answer to.

His ringtone was so cheerful, echoing against the hardwood. He caught his reflection in the mirror as he walked over to his phone, could see how he wasn’t quite smiling bright enough as he answered.

“Hyung.” He closed his eyes. “I’ll be home soon. I can pick up chicken?”

\--

They’d started the day making croissants, Kyungsoo asking Jongin to open all the canisters for him and Jongin sneaking flour onto his nose. Many pastries later and they were people watching in the museum, amused by a little girl in a blue coat who kept touching artifacts when her mother wasn’t watching. The movie had been subpar, but the food had been decent and the recliners had made even the never-ending opening previews feel less tedious.

When they finally returned to the apartment, Jongin had expected the rush of puppies that usually accompanied their return, only to remember as the door opened that his sister had taken them for the weekend.

“You can finally take your socks off.” Kyungsoo placed his keys on the hook and gave the younger man a grin. “Thank you for wearing them.”

Jongin didn’t hesitate for a moment to kick his shoes off, immediately tugging at the aforementioned garments. “My feet feel so sweaty.”

“As if your bare feet in shoes are any better.” Kyungsoo elbowed him as he slipped his own shoes off.

Jongin chuckled, coming up behind his boyfriend and wrapping his arms around his waist, chin resting on his shoulder. “Today was perfect.”

Kyungsoo leaned back against him, closing his eyes, letting out a soft little hum in response.

For a moment they just remained like that, Jongin barely swaying them in the entryway. Kyungsoo pulled away first, expression warm as he took Jongin’s hand.

“I have one more gift for you.” The tips of his ears reddened, the shy sort of flustered that always made Jongin’s heart sneak into his throat with affection.

“More?” Jongin let himself be tugged into the living room. “Hyung, I don’t know if I can handle more. I’m delicate.”

The shorter man squeezed his hand playfully. “I know. And I’m likely going to make you cry with this gift, but I still felt like doing one more thing for you.”

Jongin noticed the book wrapped in a pretty silver ribbon on the table. Kyungsoo sat them down, placing the photo album on his lap. “Happy Anniversary, Jongin.”

His fingers smoothed over the soft ribbon, pushing it aside so he could read the cover. It had been custom made, the hangeul of their names beautifully embossed along the front. Already he knew what this was, eyes beginning to burn with tears as he opened the album. It started with their first selfies as friends back in college, when Jongin had let his hair go long and Kyungsoo had lost a bet and had red hair for two months. He chuckled, fingers running over the protective plastic.

“I liked the red on you.” His voice sounded thick, rough with trying not to cry.

Kyungsoo scooted closer, letting the cover rest on his lap. “Shame I never got any taller.”

“Then I wouldn’t get to lean down to kiss you,” Jongin replied.

Page after page of good memories, some photos grainier than others, but he could feel the dedication Kyungsoo had put in to the organization of the album. He’d heard stories of Kyungsoo’s work ethic, his attention to detail and precision that made him one of the best editors in his field. And he’d taken all of that effort and put it into a gift to celebrate them.

Jongin lingered on the last page, thoughts a wobbling mess of insecurity and love for the man beside him. How many more years would they have like this before Kyungsoo finally needed more from him? Chanyeol’s words had been stuck in his heart for days now, a sad song on repeat he couldn’t seem to replace with something sweeter.

He turned then, brushing his lips over Kyungsoo’s, fingers moving from the album to the other man’s jaw. “Thank you. Thank you so much, Kyungsoo.”

“You’re welcome.” Kyungsoo’s voice was warm honey, his lips barely brushing back against his own.

Chanyeol’s words, the heavy weight of the album full of seven beautiful years, and Jongin knew he had to do this. Shutting down the anxiety that rested tight along his sternum, he moved to deepen the kiss, letting his hand slide down from Kyungsoo’s jaw to his chest. He brought their bodies closer, sucking on the older man’s lower lip.

In an instant, Kyungsoo pulled back, brows downturned as he stopped Jongin’s hand. “Jongin. What are you doing?”

He moved to lean in again, but Kyungsoo pressed a hand to his chest, holding them at a distance. Panic wove against his ribcage. This is what Kyungsoo always wanted, the one thing Jongin had never given him and he couldn’t understand why his boyfriend was stopping him.

The older man trailed soft fingertips against his jaw and Jongin paused his tireless thoughts, watching Kyungsoo’s expression as he tried to formulate the response he wanted.

“Jongin,” he began more softly. “Why are you trying to do something we both know you don’t want?”

His mouth felt too dry to swallow, although he tried the action anyways. “I…Chanyeol-”

“Of course he’d be the culprit. Do I even want to know what he said to you?” Kyungsoo was rubbing his temples now.

Jongin shifted a bit on the couch, placed the beautiful album back on the coffee table. “He just…reminded me of how much you’ve given to me. How much you’ve given up…for me…”

How could his chest feel so full of sadness, of shame, and yet also be caving in on itself? Jongin always felt he was too small for such a big body, shoulders always curling in and head ducking down as he hid behind his bangs.

For a long moment, Kyungsoo was quiet. A quick glance upwards and Jongin knew the man was choosing words carefully, the same sort of focus he devoted to a new manuscript or article he looked over.

“Jongin, what all have you asked me to do?” Kyungsoo’s voice was level, expression placid. Jongin had never been able to read those looks well.

“Huh?”

Kyungsoo smiled then, lips almost a heart. “What all have you ever asked for me to sacrifice or give up for you? What things?”

Jongin ran a hand through his hair. “Well, sex for one-"

“No, you didn’t. Our second date you told me you wouldn’t ever want sex and I told you I didn’t mind. I still don’t mind.” Kyungsoo’s tone was still so calm, as if he expected Jongin to fly off the handle. He wasn’t entirely wrong. Jongin had too many doubts to truly know exactly how to voice them after so long of pushing them to places of his mind where they were easy to hide.

“But you still get hard! You wake up and jerk off in the shower or-or you give me these looks when we kiss.” His tone was beginning to waver, eyes burning.

A sigh, and Kyungsoo brought his head to his shoulder, stroking his hair. “I am not asexual, Jongin. Just as you can’t help not wanting sex, I can’t help chasing orgasms. But that doesn’t mean it is your fault or problem. I don’t wake up and look at my cock and start blaming you. I take care of it just like I do an itch on my foot or any other random urge.”

His voice was thicker now as he tried to listen to his boyfriend’s voice, so smooth and low. “Kyungsoo, you deserve someone-”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “I want you. I want your sleepy pouts in the mornings and your arms around me when I fall asleep. You are damn near one of the only people I let myself go around. I feel so comfortable around you when the world feels like a shoe that is too tight, rubbing me raw. Jongin I don’t know what more you could give me besides your love, but I sure as hell don’t want to assault you to please Chanyeol or whoever else feels like our sex life is their business.”

For a moment, there was only silence in the room. Jongin knew he needed to break it.

“I’m enough?” Jongin’s fingers curled into the older man’s shirt with the question, his tears soaking into the fabric as he tried to steady his breath.

“I don’t need sex to complete me. I don’t need it to be happy with you. And if you need me to remind you of that every day, I can.” Kyungsoo paused to brush his lips in the younger man’s hair before continuing his soothing, stroking action. “I love you, Jongin. Tonight is a night for celebrating that and I don’t want this doubt and fear choking you. What else can I do to reassure you?”

Jongin hiccupped unattractively. “Hyung, hyung do I-I ask for too much?”

Kyungsoo forced him to look up, forced their eyes to meet. Sometimes those big eyes were haunting, were too much like staring into the sun and Jongin would want to look away. Today they were so warm, and Jongin wanted to wrap himself up in that gaze and sleep in it.

“You mean the apartment? The promotion?” Jongin’s eyes must of widened in surprise because Kyungsoo only chuckled, kissing his nose. “You never asked me, but I had always wondered if you’d felt guilty. I chose both of those things. I do like my job, it’s one of the only ways I can truly torture Baekhyun like he deserves for all his fucking spelling errors. And the apartment…it was a place. I slept there. This is where…and I’m not going to say this around everyone, but this is my home with you. If we stay here for seven more years and beyond that, I’ll be happy.”

Jongin leaned in and kissed him, soft and brief, his lower lip still trembling as he continued to cry.

“Did you ever think maybe I like giving you things?” Kyungsoo nipped his lip, tone playful. “Joonmyun’s not the only hyung that likes to spoil.”

“You don’t seem the type.” Jongin sniffled. “Thank you. I…I didn’t get you another present, I didn’t know you’d have this waiting.”

Kyungsoo shrugged. “I only want to spoil _you_. And this, this is a perfect present. Getting you to talk to me about something bothering you and finally resolving it was a load off of my mind. You bottle so much up sometimes.”

Jongin pulled back, resting his hands on Kyungsoo’s thighs. “I love you so much, Kyungsoo.”

The older man smiled, placing his hands over Jongin’s. “I love you too. Also how much do you value Chanyeol’s life? Because at this point I’m going to end it painfully. Or I may just let him live, but share every fucking secret of his I know on twitter.”

With a laugh, Jongin rested his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder again. It was damp from his crying, but the tiny man who loved him was plotting revenge and so everything felt right in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Several of my dearest friends are asexual, including one friend that cried when I read this to her. The greatest compliment she gave me was that if she didn't know any better, she would have thought I was asexual too. I don't like to make fics all about coming out or struggles with sexuality, since that's all some authors want to do with their non-hetero characters, but I also really thought this was a fic with a story to tell. I also really, really love asexual!Jongin. It is one of my favorite head-canons.
> 
> EXO and all other Kpop entertainers presented here are real people and so I remind you that this is just a fic, like a play with their stage personas as the actors. This is not intended to be a representation of who these men and women are or are not. Remember to love and respect them always. And thanks for reading! <3


End file.
